being straight with you at 4:30 am. and much ado about sprinkle donuts too.

goodnight house.

By now, most of you know that last month my dad took a new job in Appleton, Wisconsin and has been living in an apartment by himself all this time. My mom and little brother stayed behind in Sycamore in order to try and sell the house and give my brother a chance to finish up the school year (he's in 7th grade). My parents were planning on moving to a rental in WI the week after they visited me in Columbus regardless of whether or not they sold the house, and up til now, it's all seemed like a dream.

It hasn't seemed real at all.

Like I'm watching a movie in slow-motion.

My parents are moving out of state. Out of the house that I grew up in. Taking all my stuff with them. All my friends, family....they're all staying behind. Still in Sycamore, but my parents and little bro won't be.

Weird.

This morning my mom texted me to let me know that they got an offer on the house! It's a little low, naturally, so they're going to counter, but they're both really excited. I guess it's an older couple with two twin girls from DeKalb and they absolutely love the house...which is awesome.

For them.

And...for my parents.

I guess.

It's just weird thinking about it now. I'm not sure how I feel about it. It's like you're watching a slow-motion movie and all of a sudden you realize that it's not a movie, it's actually happening, and everything is about to change.

5 months ago when I left my house to come back to Columbus, I was never thinking that 'this is the last time I'll ever step foot in my house.' It's sad, in a weird and confusing sort of way. But I'm happy that my parents were able to sell it to a couple who loves it and won't paint the living room friggin' orange (like the last kook that my parents sold a house too! super weirdo).

I'm not sure how to feel.

video update.

video greetings!

check [yes] or [no]

Greeting: Hello 2010.

I know its a month late, but up until now, you haven't seemed too different from 2009.

Oh well. Hello anyways.

Moving on.

So a couple days ago I received a piece of mail from my mom that contained a page of info from David Wilkerson's newsletter about a place called Mount Zion International School of Ministry. My mom said that the Lord "prompted her to send this to me," and that I should do a bit of research and pray about it. Initially I was reluctant as I really have no desire to move again, but figured I should pray about it anyways. I really kind of want to just put down roots and grow where I am now; I have a great church, a great college ministry I'm plugged into, great friends, 2 jobs, etc....and I'm at that place now where I'm starting to feel like its time for me to start to settle down somewhat.

But then again, I never really wanted to move to Ohio in the first place.

So today I did some research on MZISoM, thought I'd give it a chance, but OH! dear.

The place sounds like a cult.

Not really, but it sounds like a serious Jesus bubble.

No cell phones. No computers. No cars. No dating. No seeing family except for immediate family weddings or family emergencies. Extensive dress code (skirts, blouses buttoned to the top, shirts that cover the hips to mid thigh, no sneakers, etc.) No shopping except once a month outings with the rest of the school. No jobs. No leaving the premises. KJV Bibles. (blech!!)

And that's just the beginning of it.

It sounds like Teen Missions' Boot Camp. Except of instead of being 3 months long, it's 3 years long.

Now don't get me wrong, I loved TMI. I would do it again in a heartbeat. But there's a big difference between 3 months and 3 years.

MZISoM says that they only take between 135-150 students a year to maintain the "family" atmosphere, but I seriously wonder if that's true or if that's just the amount of applications they receive.

Because it doesn't sound like a place that many students would want to attend.

Okay, so I'm making it sound like all thistles and thorns, but there is one good thing about it. The cost of tuition for the first year is only $2450.

I honestly want to just throw this thing out the window and be all "forget this God, whatever" but the thing about him prompting my mom to send it is stopping me in my tracks.

What if this is really what the Lord wants me to do? What if he is calling me to give up this freedom that I've come to enjoy and die to myself and my desires?

Damnit. Not again!

I hate this....I hate the fact that I can't just hate this thing and forget about it. I hate the fact that I can't do whatever I want and it be okay. This might be blasphemous, but sometimes I hate the fact that I answer to higher dude and it's my calling to do whatever the Dude wants me to.

No yes' or no's at this point, just a lot of maybes.

Did I mention I hate the word maybe?

needs to be tasted and seen.

It's 2:30 am here on a cold, dark Columbus morning. I can't seem to fall asleep tonight. Frustrated and weary on so many levels. Lyrics of a song from my favorite album keep running through and tripping over my mind...


My heart is broken, my spirit crushed
There is aching in these arms
to feel Your touch

Be near to me, be near to me
I will taste and see
that You are good, so good
Rescue me quickly, Lord hear my cry
I am reaching out my hands
my soul is dry...


Tears are running down my face as I write this. I'm not a cry-er so it's a little unnerving. But maybe that's a good thing. I guess when you're desperate enough emotions manifest.

so the adventure (minus AC) begins.

Yesterday evening a whole pack of friends came over to my apartment at Sterling Place to move me to my new place over in Clintonville near campus. My new roommates, Laura and Elisa, are awesome! However, all my stuff is piled up in the dining room/living room waiting to be taken upstairs because Lyndsie (the girl whose place I'm taking) isn't moving out until September 2nd. So right now, my mattress has been thrown on the floor and I'm becoming acquinted with the hardwood and black mold we have growing on one wall (thanks to the boys next door). I'll be happy once I can get my stuff upstairs and get situated (and once the mold is gone on Saturday).
I just hate living out of boxes (4th times a charm!) and feeling like I'm in the way...literally.