falling.

Has the Lord ever seemed so close that you could almost hear His heartbeat? Or has the Lord ever seemed so far that it feels like you’re reaching to the sky, but grasping nothing? I feel stuck between the two.

Lately it feels like I’m being given a crash course in faith, and it’s so hard not to feel like I’m gonna fall out of the sky…

I feel like I’m walking on the edge of a knife: stray to far to the right or the left and you’ll be hurt, but walk the edge and you’ll be perfectly safe. The only thing though is that I’m starting to feel the edge of the blade come up through my shoes and it’s really hard not to just want to jump off, throw in the towel, and bow out of the game.

I know I’m not making any sense, but I had to get these feelings off my chest.

What am I doing here? Am I indeed chasing after what the Lord wants for me, or have I been duped into believing a grand lie? So often do I feel like everything is clicking and all the cogs are turning in their proper ways…that God truly has a plan and a design for me here…but today the cogs are not in sync, the rhythm’s off, there’s more than one out-of-tune note in the song…

It’s so hard to trust sometimes.